Arsenal in for Edinson Cavani, Isco and Pedro?

As we now know, the campaign slogan “Better Together” is obviously a hugely inspiring one. How else could you possibly explain the results of the vote in Scotland that the Rumour Mill is waking up to this morning? We assume it was the prospect of a giant, UK-wide hug that persuaded them to stick with this ol’ union, a spirit of togetherness motivated by that slogan, “Better Together”. Let’s all help each other out, let’s be grand to each other, let’s just be really nice and stuff.
In that spirit, and with a topical event shoe-horned in as a pathetic attempt capture the zeitgeist, the Rumour Mill would ask all Arsenal fans to stop reading now. It’s only fair on you really, because there is talk, in the paragraphs to come, of Arsène Wenger signing some players that could genuinely help them out and potentially help them become a real force in the Premier League title race, and possibly beyond. These signings will, of course, not happen, so in the spirit of friendship and togetherness, the Rumour Mill suggests that reading any further would just get your hopes up, Gooners, so you shouldn’t. Stop right here. Click away from this page. Do something else. Don’t fill your hearts with the cruellest emotion.

Now those poor whelps have gone, we can tell you that Arsenal are apparently set to make a move for Edinson Cavani in January, the centre-forward seemingly unhappy about playing as the wide man in a 4-3-3 and being subservient to Zlatan Ibrahimovic. In the logic of 2+2 = Arsenal implausibly spending millions on a striker even though we all know that isn’t going to happen, this means a January swoop for the big man.
Elsewhere, there’s talk of Arsenal moving for unwanted Real Madrid midfielder I.S.C.O., with bids encouraged for the boogie-friendly playmaker by the Spanish giants, with Liverpool reportedly keen too. That pair of likely lads/clubs are also scoping out Barcelona’s similarly unwanted winger Pedro, who feels like he has been on the verge of moving to England since the last time Scotland was an independent country.
Bad news for Hatem Ben Arfa here, who thought he had escaped Newcastle, even if that was by going on loan to Hull. Apparently, if Alan Pardew is given the Spanish archer sometime soon, which if you’ve been reading the bedsheets held up by assorted angry, Geordies in recent days, will happen pronto, the Toon could cancel Ben Arfa’s loan and bring him back to St James’s at some point in January. Po’ Hatem.
Harry Redknapp would like to be reunited with Peter Crouch, it seems, as he would seemingly like to be reunited with basically any player he has managed in the past, with the possible exception of Marco Boogers. However, Mark Hughes has taken time out from getting annoyed about handshakes to say there’s been no contact on that score. No sireebob.
Suso, the young winger who – if you listened to some of the more spicy Liverpool fans a couple of years ago – was destined to be the best player in the world, is set to move to Milan, apparently. He’s already agreed personal terms, it says here, and all that remains is for a fee to be sorted. Remember when doing things that way round was a big no-no? Salad days.
There are a couple of managerial jobs up for grabs in the Championship, and despite the spectre of perennial 6-1 fourth-favourite Alan Curbishley no doubt intimidating anyone else who might want them, there are a few names being bandied around for Fulham and Cardiff, as the former binned Felix Magath while the latter consciously uncoupled with Ole Gunnar Solskjaer on Thursday. Neil Lennon is a live contender for the Cardiff gig, along with Dundee’s Paul Hartley, Steve Clarke and Chris Hughton, although Tony Pulis is apparently not in the running, while Lennon is also on Fulham’s list, sharing paper space with Tim Sherwood and Danny Murphy.